[Part One of the Britain Series]

—Hello?
—’Ello, Gov’nah!
—Hi…

(Pause)

What’s up?
—You mean: what happens to be going on? Well, ol’ chap, I placed this call on the telephone line to check up on your flight status. How is it, mate?
—It’s mid-flight and it’s, um… four in the morning your time.
—Blimey! I hope that I did not interrupt your rest.
—That’s OK. I don’t really sleep well on planes, anyway.
—That’s unfortunate.
—I guess. I did want to try to acclimate to your time before we got in.
—Yes, yes, terrible shame. Just dreadful.
—Yeah.

(Pause)

—So, what are your plans once you get in?
—Well, they’re still the same. Customs, check-in at the hotel, Tower of London—
—Oh, fish and chips! My tower is just a marvelous destination this season, just marvelous. Though I will warn you, the queue will be a tad long…
—Right, right. It will. But I’m excited for the whole thing.
—Could it get any better?
—No, it—well… I mean, everything’s wonderful and all. I’m so fortunate to be going, it’s just that… I just wish I could go to Paris instead. No offense, I loved seeing you last time, you’re a stupendous city—
—Uh-huh.
—Look, you know how it is with Paris and me. I’ve been studying French for years, and… We just have something special, you know? I can’t really say it better.
—Yes. Right.
—I hope you understand. It’s not you, it’s me.
—No, quite. Everything’s dandy.
—Good, I’m glad to hear it, no hard feelings, alright? I’m coming to see you and it’s going to be great.
—Of course. It’ll be taters and mash, it will.

(Pause)

—Well, this phone call must be costing a fortune. You should try to get some sleep, too…
—OK, sure. See you in a few.
—God save the Queen.
—Bye. ◆